Is she manic or is it anxiety disorder
Clinical depression or maybe bipolar disorder
Borderline personality
or perhaps schizophrenic
She may even be suicidal for all we can discern.
I lie beneath my threadbare blanket
Listening to this medical jargon
Are they discussing me?
Or another patient in the room.
Apparently it’s me as I reveal my face;
I see a profusion of white coats gawking at me
As if I wasn’t human, but a bizarre catastrophe.
How do you feel, what do you feel?
Are there voices in your head?
Yes, of course I hear voices in my head.
You’re talking at me, through me, but not to me
Do they actually know who I am?
Or even bothered to look at my face?
They cluster in the corner
Gesticulating wildly
Not even comprehending
I can hear every word
I may be depressed
But I’m not f…..g deaf
On and on they confer -
I finally peer from
Under the ragged blanket
They see me and smirk
How are we feeling today my dear?
What’s this we, it’s only me
The last time I looked
Around the room
What an inane question!
If I was feeling well
Would I be here?
With bars on the windows
And locks on the doors?
No need to get defensive my dear
We’re only here to ease your pain
You’ve been roughly speaking on about thirty pills
But regrettably none of them a success
The white coat regards me with pity
I don’t need sympathy from you
All I need is normality in my life
Well my dear there is the most recent pill
Well, what have I got to lose
Only my sanity of which some is absent
They turn off my light leaving me to my dreamless slumber.
I wake up sweating and shaking
And feeling like death.
At last I fall asleep
But abruptly awake
A flashlight shining in my face-
We’re doing night rounds
To make certain you’re here
Where would I go? What a dim-witted question
I’m here for the duration
The morning draws closer
I open my eyes
The white coats gazing wearily at me
The new pill wasn’t a success
We hear from the nurse
The white coats consult once again
Thirty pills you’ve tried and cocktails thereof
We’re going to attempt
Something quite atypical
It’s called ECT,
And we believe you would benefit
You’re heavily sedated,
Your brain will convulse
As an electric current runs through it
The only drawback
Is short term memory loss
What’s this all about?
I tremble and shake
There’s so much to contemplate
The white coat believes
It’s the only answer
I was not told
It’s a temporary solution
Needless to say it wasn’t a victory.
A different cocktail of drugs.
Finally relieved my suffering
After thirteen years of desolation
Your depression has ended
Says the white coat with arrogance
Surely you know doctor, you educated man,
That depression cannot be cured,
It goes into remission oh brilliant one
Occasionally rearing its ugly head
Well as far as short term memory loss
They failed to mention its long term too
